Polyam – by Master M Hatter

I have had multiple partners most of my life. There have been a few brief unsuccessful attempts at monogamy but I am at heart polyam. This week one of my partners expressed an interest in someone else. This is a relatively new experience for me, while i have partners who have existing partners, and have had play partners who have had a number of new partners, I haven’t been in an established relationship where someone new has come along.

Her big worry was that her liking someone else would make me like her less. That her liking someone else would make her disloyal and be read by me as an indication that she cares less about me. Having come from a mono background, she felt guilty for liking someone else, for getting those flutters in her stomach.

For me, I have no fear of her liking someone else, no fear of her being with someone else, instead the fear is always that someone will like us less – that by her liking someone else she will in someway like me less. This is not how it has ever worked for me though. When i like someone new, i dont stop liking, loving, lusting after my existing partners.

Having more than one partner does not reduce feelings. We don’t run out of love or care. Likewise when a relationships comes to an end, the blow is not softened by being in other relationships. The heartbreak of break ups remains just a deep, and is based on your feelings for the person that a relationship ended with. While you may have someone to comfort you when a break up happens – being in multiple relationships does not spare you from feeling pain or loss.

I think it’s interesting where we put our focus. When I talk to people about polyam there first assumption is that they will struggle with jealousy – I would never want my partner to kiss someone else, or go out for a meal with someone else, or whatever it happens to be. When you did deeper the real fear is that their partner will no longer want to kiss the, go out for a meal with them. What we fear most is that we will become less interesting, less desirable, that we will become boring – or have already become so.

This doesn’t have to be the case. There is a fine line to be walked between sharing information about your new relationship – and co-opting it. I asked my partner to share with me things that make her happy, things that excite her about her new interest, and I also offered to be talked to about things that worry her, times where she is feeling insecure. It’s important to note that this is an offer to share – not an obligation to do so. I am not asking her to share her bedroom secrets, or the things that are whispered in her ear, but i am inviting her to go “WOW ! Look at the flowers that he brought me!! They are amazing! I am so happy!” In sharing those things instead of keeping them a dirty secret, where we feel guilty about sharing our lives with our partner, we are able to find a new topic of conversation, we can celebrate and commiserate with our partner, and we grow closer not more distant.

Our fear is always based on the idea that we will lose something, that we will become less, but there is no reason for this to be true. We don’t respond to this in the same way with friends, or with children, or any other area of our life. We don’t say ahhh because i have a new child i don’t care about my old one anymore, this one will replace that one. When we form a new friendship we dont look around to see which existing friend we can get rid of. Instead the new person in our life enriches us – and that is something which hopefully everyone we know will indirectly benefit from.

When we take the time to celebrate our partners desires, to take pleasure in the things – and more importantly people who interest them our lives and our relationships are enriched.

Advertisements

Rope in a Vacuum

 

Many years ago – good grief i am thinking of how many years ago now, some 25 years ago I went to art collage. One of the things which was notable was the similarity of everyone’s work. This wasn’t deliberate copying it was just a case of everyone being influenced by what was going on around them. I still go and see the end of year shows and walk around and look for the one person who has managed to do something different.   Those people who do succeed in producing something different aren’t the people who have not be influenced at all – but are the people who are influenced by a wider range of artist.

There is a danger in  being in big art houses we all end up creating work that just blends. The solution to this is not to cut ourselves off from other influences but to widen the influences we have. Instead of just seeing the art of the person next to us, we immerse ourselves in art from as many sources as possible. We widen our sensory inputs, we take on the art of russia, of spain, of indonesia, we take and adjust and combine sources from all other the world in as many styles as possible.

The same happens with the rope world – a  photo of a tie will go up and within a few days you will see six more photos looking similar, and the spread will continue, as though a new theme has been determined by the rope gods and everyone is silently getting in line.

I find the same is true of my own tying. I browse through instagram loving pictures, in the afternoon I do a rig and then i go back to instagram and realise that i was influenced without it ever being conscious. Of course there are times when it is deliberate, when i see an image and think okay that’s an idea i want to play with, but mostly it’s just the subconscious background impact other people’s work has.

This process works both ways, I often see photos where i can see that someone is playing with an idea and often vastly improving on it from a rig that i have done.

This can be a really positive thing, we take in other ideas and develop them.  Because i do very little planning with my rigs I like to feel that i go with the moment, that i start from a blank canvas but i don’t. The way I tie, the shapes that are formed, they are influenced by the rope community, its a community i am proud to be a part of.

So this is just a thank you, a thank you to the riggers and rope bunnies, rope models, rope bottoms from around the world who post their work to instagram, to fetlife, to tumblr. You work inspires me and makes me a better rigger.

Hello 2018

WhatsApp Image 2018-02-25 at 14.38.28 (10)

Happy new year!

With Febuary reaching its dying days and only just having posted the last post of 2017 I better get a move on…

This year is a going to be very different to the last. So many changes, the biggest of these is that we are no longer going to run events, parties or group classes. We still have people come to us for one to one tuiton from all around the world, more than often a classes will host a variety of people with vastly different desires and skill sets, and therefore we find that teaching is much more productive, less stressful and a happier experience all around – we want people to leave with new skills and fresh enthusaism, and have felt in the past in our experiences with classes these can often be fustrating and leaving with only a small amount of knoweldge gained for a large sum.  1:1 is certainly where our passions lay at.

We have also started work on a new series of videos which we hope to begin to realise in the Summer. Video seems to be a thing – and Sir is working with @Sky.sometime to produce some more “adult” content which will be making its way to perverts computers soon!

February would have seen our 3rd year of peer rope, and whilst I’m sad we aren’t there to celebrate it- in honesty we just have too many other exciting things in our life. We have our own property which we are expanding, a successful kink business and an abundance of awesome kinky friends old and new.  So anyway, without further ado- 2018 so far!

Home, me and us!

20180102_174136.jpg

Master TP tries his hand at aerial yoga!

20180130_205746.jpg

My day collar breaks, and so I make myself a rope collar with the old lock- until my new one arrives.

WhatsApp Image 2018-02-25 at 14.38.29 (3)

I try my hand at rigging again, every now and then I pick up the ropes- really pleased with how this rig went, several transistions and realising I’ve still got it.

WhatsApp Image 2018-02-25 at 14.38.29 (2)

Still can’t do the splits.

WhatsApp Image 2018-02-25 at 14.38.28 (9)

Conversatory fun time- during works!

WhatsApp Image 2018-02-25 at 14.38.28 (8)

Conversatory all finsihed! WOOP.  You’ll see more and more shoots from our conversatory in the months to come (especially as the months get warmer!)

WhatsApp Image 2018-02-25 at 14.38.28 (4)

2017 was a strange year with an unsettling beginning of breakups and heartaches, these things tend to strain our relationship, put together with insecurities and jealousies and poly can be hard to manage.  This year has seen stability, kindness, and genuine loving from all our partners and friends.  Taking a step back from the stresses and strains of running parties/events and community building has seen a massive improvement on everyones happieness.  We are deffinately in the time of our lifes right now, enjoying an epic .. bedroom life… a successful business and plans to travel, the happy is so much greater now than it ever has been, and with 2 people who’ve suffered chronicaly with many years of depression in the past – this is an awesome achievement.  This year see’s our 5 year together, and can’t wait for the many more to come.

Friends, Bunnies and Lovers.

 

WhatsApp Image 2018-02-25 at 14.38.28 (6)WhatsApp Image 2018-02-25 at 14.38.28 (7)

We have a new bunny, Gigi – a super flying mascocist and pro makeup artist

20180120_230415.jpg

Sky flying high on her birthday

20180124_124910.jpg

Fizzy is given some needle therpy…

 

 

 

MMHJute

20180129_135958.jpg

New items for the store, this was a request from a customer.

20180127_153207.jpg

We now have a leather man, our new neighbour and friend is commisioned to make us these beautiful hand made artisan one off pieces for MMHJute.

 

WhatsApp Image 2018-02-25 at 14.38.29

WhatsApp Image 2018-02-25 at 14.38.28

Carebear rope is our new favoriate item, a combo of 6 pastel colours- its a fiddle to make, but sure is insta worthy!

WhatsApp Image 2018-02-25 at 14.38.29 (1)

Raspberry Jute- the colour is just so lush- even non pink lovers seem like it!

 

WhatsApp Image 2018-02-25 at 14.38.28 (1)

Continueing the love for dip dyed bamboo.

 

Thats it for now folks, have a great weekend- and hopefully it wont be long again until I post more regularly again,

 

Goodbye 2017

 

I’m a little behind with the blog, so here is a quick catch up of the last part 2017!

Home

 

20171202_224123.jpg

Master TP our kitten continues to get cuter, and is a well loved member of our rope filled household.  Training him to go outside safetly happened on a rope- he didn’t mind.

20171104_211428.jpg

We celebrate Sir’s Birthday with sky, ben and fizzy with sparklers in our new “shell” of a conversatory – Sp much work needed to finish it off!

 

Friends, Lovers and bunnies

Fizzy visits regularly, Christmas sees fizzy getting all gushy over a lion- the pic above  totally depicts their relationship.

20170818_1456101290737058.jpg

Sky continues to increase her agility in ropes, always arriving with new ideas for photoshoots and trying new things like needles!  (clearly a big fan eh!)

 

 

Charlie came to visit and annouced to us that she’s moving to the UK (from australia) and is even going to spend some of her year living in Sunny bournemouth, we can’t wait to have her close – Charlie is an amazing bunny, and awesome human!

First and last photo shoot of the year with the lovely ChrisD – next year see’s more shoots in a variety of  well heated…. “classy locations” wink wink.

Lotus – The thing I love about having Lotus over is her reactions in rope, her happy tones fill the air and make everyone smile.  Cant wait to have her back in 2018.

Ben is just plain amazing. period.

 

MMHJute

 

 

Travels.

 

2017 saw us leaving the UK for our first holiday together.  The first part of our journey happened in Amsterdam, taking Sky and Ben along.  EPIC city, of course we had to see the sights of the red light district, and a few smokes at the local cafe 🙂

Then we headed off to Berlin for Eurix

 

Unfortunately I have very few photos from Eurix, as I lost them when my phone didn’t backup!  So these where from the last few days.  We had a awesome time.  Certainly inspired us to explore again in 2018.WhatsApp Image 2017-12-08 at 20.51.49

THATS IT FOR NOW FOLKS, STAY TUNED FOR UPDATE ON 2018.

STAY ROPEY!

One year of blogging- reflections.

Hello all.

So I have had a pause on blogging, even let this account expire – but as you can see it is now renewed! I want to thank a special couple I met at Eurix who told me they read it and how much they enjoy it for encouraging me to come back to the blog. One of the issues is that their is a lot that I just cant write about. I dont write about heartache or breakups, i dont talk lots about the people we are involved in, i dont talk about amazing sex and i dont talk about a lot of the kinky stuff we do. The reason for this is that its not just my private life, its the people we are involved with to – so I worry that at times the pictures I do post and the posts can be a little dull.  The plan going forward is that I will include more articles, that we will include more about what we are doing with rope both in our tying and in some of the ties that MasterMHatter is developing and that we will post more about the process of rope making an some of the kinks that we explore.  So here is a very light readers digest to get us all back up to speed!

 

 

Shibari

Rigging

Last October saw me “hanging up my ropes” after an accident left me shaking and unconfident, I tried a few times to tie after then, but I had lost my confiense and didn’t want to put anyone at harm with my shaky-hand rigging. I was extremely lucky that my bunny was was quick to laugh off my error, as I think any other reaction would have certainly killed my love of rope forever. Master has given me plenty of time to grieve my error, but now has told me that I must return to rigging again. Luckily this comes at a time that *mini-sea* annouces that she’s moving to England, we meet her a few years ago when she was travelling around the UK and we spent many a week in her company – she’s an incredible bunny, and I am really looking forward to working together again.

Bunnying

We also hosted a workshop with Barkas and Addie this year, and can honestly say it was life changing, especially for me. Always having struggled as a bunny, to see Addie so forthcoming about her can’s and can’ts- was so refreshing!! A big time rigger with a bunny who’s not bomb proof! Master and I now practise much more Yukimura style into our ropey time together, which has grown and evolved into something so personal and so intense. I’ve finally found my happy place in rope.

Events

After nearly 3 years we have had to say goodbye to our venue, and have as a result put Bournemouth peer rope on hiatus, and in honesty we may not hold another. We started the event hoping to learn from others although it was always more like a running a very cheap workshop, as finding others to share their knowledge was always tough. We will however still be taking bookings for private tution, as well as the occasional class, from our home. Once we have another venue we will still be booking Master classes with international riggers, and we hope to announce in early 2018.

Home

As I’ve written previously we now own our own bricks!! Having our own home means no longer explaining to landlords what we get up too, or why we want to cut a hole in the ceiling! We currently have 5 suspenion points, and once our extension is complete we will have more, and will aim to host small workshops from home.

We also now own a kitten, called MasterTP. Who’s a wonderfully happy bundle of fluff who seems very popular with our visitors, and unsuprisingly loves rope as much as we do.

Business

Early this year I was asked to make a bracelet from our rope as a collar, an old friend had previously made some for us to sell- however had never sold at any of our events and so I had given up on the idea. After making one myself I got hooked on all the ways rope could be worn, and so set about making up a selection for our etsy shop. It didnt take long for them to start selling like hot cakes, and is now one of our biggest sellers. We also introduced bamboo rope, a rope I had myself wanted for a long time- (mostly as I wanted a white rope) making bamboo proved to be a new experience all togehter! Having worked with jute for so long, having the silkness under my fingers felt awesome. We will be introducing more ranges of rope next year, including a Grade A jute, JBO free and made specifically to bondage specifications. We are super excited about it! We are still on the look out for a hemp supplier, and certainly aim to add this to our range as soon as a good source is found.

Thank you to all my wondeful subscribers!

TPHQ !!!!!WE MOVED!!!

We have moved!! FINALLY!!
Here is a picture blog of the last few weeks!

We have keys!
The decorating begins. The property has been rented for many years and is therefore a magnolia haven, and in kept in only the “bare essential” maintaince. We decide to move in later in the week give us a chance to decorate and address any of the issues that come from a property being empty for 8 months. (Previous occupants having done a runner, and eventually being repossessed!)

The clean-up begins with the most dirtiest…..

We eventually get some furniture (Not a sofa yet though clearly!) Sir and ben settle with a game of Chess whilst sky is given a cock To amuse.

Goodbye to old TPHQ. Our pot plant Kane, being the last to leave. This is tradition for Sir and I.

Our new kinky friend doubles up as a handyman, his services being paid for in rope and lessons 🙂 First on the agenda…. Hardpoints!

The arrival of MasterTP our long awaited kitten. He’s a very confident ball of cute fluff who loves rope almost as much as us. Sir sets him up his own instagram (@MasterTeaP) so I don’t bore too many people with his Cuteness.

Fizzydrinkslut visits and gets cuddles from the Master himself too.

Sir has become something of a self suspension artist!

Sky has her first flight at our new home 🙂

Then ben…

First tea party, fizzydrinkslut flys on our freshly oak mounted hardpoints (they get painted later!)

The shop has taken the back burner, and as soon as the paint is dry we are back to making rope and making jewellery.

Tash and her partner come to visit for some ropey shinangings.

We are on the move! – finally! 

Apologies for a short one but we have now exchanged! Keys this Wednesday, followed by moving on Friday!  Our etsy store having had a quieter June has of course now booming again, the last two weeks have been awesome.  Lots of ropey times with friends, lots of casual days out and to.top it all off a lovely party at my friends house to celebrate her 50th. A wonderful evening of outdoor suspensions with my Master and catching up with some old friends. I am only givng a brief summary of the last 2 weeks in this blog.

Princess pointless’s new ropes, in her signature colour! Cant wait to see what antics she gets up to in these!

E puts on her “bunny ears” after a years pause.

Trying out the unicorn rope

Our weekly yoga class is featured on Facebook,

Master and I go to one of our friends birthday parties, and try out her awesome outdoor setup

Possibly the biggest news we have- after moving in, we are getting a cat.  So say hello to Master TP, a ragdol cross with gorgeous babyblues and a bossy dommly dom personality – according to Masterhatter!  Below is the picture that made me fall in love, followed by subsequent pictures of us meeting him.

 

We came away from our first meeting of MasterTP with all the smiles, Sirs reacction was to make MasterTP his own instragram….

Mine was to make him a collar- of course!

In other news we have a new friend, a carpenter kinkster who is already busy making us awesome things for our etsy shop in exchange for rope!  The start of a beautiful friendship 🙂

Picture below is a mock up and not made from MMJUTE, but gives an idea of things to come for our etsy shop.

We occasionally have time to tie together too 🙂

Sir has made some “care bear” rope, which is super cute- Master has some unique ideas for shooting the rope!

We’ve had so many requests for dip dyed rope, we decided to give it a try.  We have a bag of scraps, so we are likely to get more inventive- but this was Sirs first attempt which I think is pretty good!

 Sir and Ben are now chess buddies, whilst we girls try to distract 😀