One of my Masters pet hate is the term vanilla. A while ago a friend who is not of the bdsm community overheard us describing her as a vanilla. She was deeply offended. “So this means I’m lacking in flavour because I enjoy sex without the beatings and latex” she retorted. We were actually a little embarrassed, and fumbled a reply of “erm…no?”
She added “you don’t know what I get up to in the bedroom” (oops yes true) and that making assumptions about her sex life was incredibly rude and inappropriate.
The dictionary describes vanilla as (we’ll assume that people aren’t being mistaken for the bean here) in this context meaning “having no special or extra features; ordinary or standard”
It is so widely used and accepted in the community that we had never given it a second thought. If we had, we would have realised that it is actually an insult.
I don’t know where or who coined the phrase, but I would like to think that the majority will agree that a life without kink doesn’t mean inferiority.
We HAVE to stop calling those not involved in the scene as vanilla.
The BDSM community shouldn’t join the bigots league, “looking down at all the muggles”. We should celebrate our differences, of which who are we to judge. If our communities are to learn to coexist in harmony we have to make that change and stop using terms that demean our non kinky counterparts and those who chose to live their kinky lives without the involvement from other kinksters.
In its place we feel that “non scene” seems to be generally approved of amongst our non scene and unkinky friends